So I had another episode last night. I’ve been logging these in a Word document, but now this blog is up, it’s probably a more appropriate place to put them.
My last episode was on Friday the 3rd of May, so it’d been 10 days or so. The trigger for that one was, as usual, a combination of restriction and stress. I had a day off work, had a busy morning running errands with E in tow, and really wanted to go to a cafe or bakery for a nice coffee and a pastry. Unfortunately with her being such a fussy eater, we couldn’t find a shop that had kiss biscuits, and she kicked off in the street so I took her home and missed out on my treat. It was after lunch that day that I went berzerker on cereals and chocolate.
Yesterday was similar. I actually had a pretty good day at work, but was obsessing all day (again) about going to the bakery and getting a coffee and some sort of sweet treat. But I refused to let myself have it, telling myself that I should save my money – which is true – I really can’t afford to be spending ten bucks a day on coffee and pastries! So got through the (short) day without it, had some cereal for afternoon tea, all good. But then I had a couple of blowups with E around dinner time, for various reasons, really wanted a nice dessert, and a second bowl of ice cream turned into half the tub, as well as copious quantities of biscuits, chocolate, coco pops, and a couple of hot chocolates, the final one with a generous spoonful of Nutella in it.
It’s worth noting that this one felt a bit different than most of my others – I didn’t feel anywhere near as manic, or out of control. I really just felt lonely, depressed and wanted sweet food. Taking photos of it for Ate gave me the opportunity to reflect at each plate refill, and I could have stopped, but I didn’t want to.
Needless to say I had another hot, heartburny night’s sleep – and not enough of it, particularly since I’d planned to be up at 5am for an early training session. At least I was well carbed up for it! As I write this, I’m midway through lifting and I feel OK. But needless to say, I’ll be going and getting that latte and croissant today, if I feel like it.